I have friends who go through serial relationships. They get out of one and straight into the next. That just does not work for me. I’m more the get out of a relationship and take a few years off just to recuperate. That being said, I do however go on dates. The way I see it, you date a guy then form a relationship. Dating is the preliminary stage where you are testing the waters. It’s a time for you to decide whether this other person is someone you can get along with, can have decent conversations with and someone who you can invite to family weddings, braais and the sort without him embarrassing himself let alone you in front of your family. Because you can dump him and get him out of the picture but with all this technology these days, between 4mp camera phones and blackberrys that allow you to upload videos via email… Memories are forever..
And dating has taught me a lot.
For starters, women are suckers for love. No matter how much of a staunch feminist she may be, the idea of having someone out there that she can call after a long day is enticing. And this affects our judgment because a woman will stick by her man no matter what. Hence women stay in abusive relationships or stay with men who cheat on them. It doesn’t make sense to a lot of people but the idea of being lonely for the rest of your lie is just not a happy one. Human beings were created to need each other. Its simple psychology.
Something else I have learnt is that a man’s words must be taken at face value. If he tells you he wants to ‘hang out’ that is exactly what he wants to do. So don’t expect to be introduced as his girlfriend or introducing him to your friends as your boyfriend or partner or any other term of endearment. You are just setting yourself up for heart-break.
Also men lie. Don’t get me wrong women lie too but so do men. And I think they do it better. Men know what we want to hear and so to keep us that is exactly what they tell us. A cousin of mine met a guy, they were getting to know each other better and he knew all the right things to say to keep her hooked. He told her how much he admired her because she is a strong woman of God and she had values that are hard to come by and all that other sweet and true stuff that every woman wants to hear her man tell her. A few months down the line we discover this guy has been calling his ex girlfriend and buying her plane tickets to come visit him. HOLD UP! WHAT? This guy did not know what he wanted but I told my cousin the truth – KICK HIM TO THE CURB.
Not all men out there are evil. I have met a few who have managed to charm me and melt the ice that surrounds my heart. Maybe this is to the detriment of other males. Because now I know they are capable of feeling and treating a woman really well and I refuse to settle. I see that as an injustice to myself. So as long as these types of men are around, I’m going to be ticking the single box for a while.
I am known for my tough independent demeanor. I’m the bra burning type who will NOT take any bullshit from any man! I would rather be alone than lie to myself and be fed lies. You cheat – you’re out. You lie – I will find out. You hit me – Ndinodzorera before I kick you out and call the cops on you. I will NOT let another mere human being take away my pride and joy. I do not need a man to make me feel better about myself. I was brought up by a strong SINGLE black woman. My mom was both mother and father. Through her I learnt that even if I am single I can be a force to be reckoned with. I can do things for myself and the word “CAN’T” must not exist in my dictionary. But I digress.
After watching and reading He’s just not that into you. I decided to be honest with my feelings so if you ask for my opinion you will get it. It might not be what you want to hear and sometimes you just might get it even if you haven’t asked for it. But what I know for sure is I will not lie to you. My high school motto was VERITAS and I try to uphold the values I gained from that time in my life. I will tell you the truth.
And the first person I had to be honest with was myself. I don’t lie to myself anymore and try to read more into situations than there really is. It’s tough because sometimes you have to admit the hard truth that you do not want to hear but in the same breath I have saved myself from guys who want to waste my time and I am a stronger person for it.
All in all, as a friend of mine says, I’m single and it’s going to take someone pretty special to change that.