On every dark having a silver lining…

I saw a newspaper headline the other day that dubbed 2015 as “year of the #”. I think that headline was pretty accurate. The ability of people to hash tag events was a big game changer in social media trends this year. If I had to pick a hash tag it would be #silverlinings. I decided to look on the bright side of everything that has happened to date. So while unemployment may have been my biggest challenge, the bright side is I got to spend a lot of time with my family and share invaluable moments. I made new friends, reconnected with old friends, started going to the gym regularly and I even went on vacation with another group of friends.

http://jordan-austin.deviantart.com/art/Silver-Lining-281461718

I’m  not oblivious to the fact that it has been ages since my last blog post! Partly due to the creative juices not flowing and partly due to the way I handle things. I tend to withdraw if I feel I’m not in control and sadly my blog suffers the most. There were so many stories started but never finished and I just seemed unable to complete a full post. So much has happened since that last post. I finally got the balls to face my fears and quit a job that was draining me. It’s a remarkable feeling when one gets the courage to let go of situations that no longer bring joy. One of my greatest fears was unemployment and I faced that twice this year. I’ll share a little bit behind why I quit one of the jobs in a blog post later on. So after I left the other job, I got another one and left that one too for totally different reasons to the other one. But unemployment actually wasn’t as bad as I imagined. Granted there are certain things I’ve had to forgo because I have no constant stream of income but I am blessed with an amazing family who have supported me through everything so I cannot say I was in lack. Also the saving lessons my mother taught me from a young age came into play a lot during this year.

I had a disagreement with someone a few months ago but my unemployment status. I felt attacked and he made it sound like I was content in my current state. My response to him which at that time probably came across as very defensive also led me to have an aha moment.

I can either be depressed about unemployment and cry every single day and feel sorry for myself or I can accept that this is where I in this season and react accordingly. In those few minutes of having to justify myself I realised that how one waits during a setback is just as important as how one will react once the situation has changed.

I choose to be the best version of me – which is the best route to embrace hence my hash tag silverlining. Considering I’ve done the other route before and that just led me to be frustrated and sad and overweight, silver linings are the only option for me this time around.

Every challenge or setback also contains potential for a positive or negative outcome. By focusing on the positive, I feel more inner peace thus being able to accept that which I cannot change immediately.

on being MIA…

I thought it would be easy! Life was supposed to be all planned out. Primary school, high school then varsity. A good job would then materialise from somewhere and I would be set. Reaching for my dreams. Marriage and  babies and happily ever after would soon follow and it would be the complete package.

But then things didn’t go according to MY plans and I had no plan B. I was caught unaware in the middle of my journey and like a boat with no captain, I steered off course. I lost hope. The salt water blinded my eyes and for a while,  I couldn’t read the compass let alone see it. Panic set in. Gray skies surrounded me.

I never understood that I needed a plan B until then. So I made a plan B. But God has his own plans for my life. And I desperately tried to hold onto MY plans. I had it all planned out. I couldn’t let go. I needed to be in control.  But my ever faithful God waited patiently. And I got tired. The winds were strong and I couldn’t do it on my own anymore. I needed help. I needed a strong arm to guide me. So I accepted his help. I let him take over but not completely. I kept glancing at the compass, gently turning the wheel when I thought he wasn’t looking. And somewhere during that period, I lost it. I lost the claim to awesomeness. I lost being Sunshyne and in that moment, I thought, its ok to hide in the shadows. But he worked on me. He put this idea in my head that it wasn’t okay! That he created Sunshyne and he wanted her back! I told him she was weak and pathetic and didn’t deserve to be here. That there were way better people out there. That someone else could take over my spot and I would be forgotten and done away with. But he said NO! and refused to give up on me. And he reminded me:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

 Marianne Williamson

So every time self-doubt begins to knock at the door, I remind myself Who am I NOT to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

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