on 2014 in pictures…

If I had to pick 1 word I had to use to describe 2014, I would choose laughter. And although it was a very challenging year, I think a smile was plastered on my face most of the time. When it wasn’t tears, I was smiling through it all. My mentor from university (yes Miss Andie, that’s you) taught me that happiness was a choice and while I’m still learning to choose happiness in every situation. Looking through my camera roll has made me realise that for the most part of this year, when I chose it, I was happy!

Change was also a constant them for me in 2014 and through change, I met some AMAZING souls, worked on friendships that I had let suffer and refused to succumb to fear.

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I have been blessed and I’m making a choice to take happiness along with me throughout 2015.

on beneath these tears…

Beneath these tears...

Beneath these tears…

Beneath these tears

Is a strong woman, a highly seasoned woman

A fervent woman, a comical woman

 

Beneath these tears

Is a goddess, an African Princess

A descendant of Nefertiti

 

Beneath these tears

I will no longer give you the power

Of turning my smiles into frowns

Or allowing tears to cascade down my face

Beneath these tears

I feel sorry for you

I am ashamed on your behalf

And I pity you

 

Beneath these tears

You will never know

The vivaciousness that I possess

Or the reason for that sparkle in my eye

Or the progression that made me, me

 

Beneath these tears

You will never get to meet the woman I described!

You will never get to know this child of the most high

 

But most importantly,

Beneath these tears,

I want you to know that I forgive you

And I wish you well! 

on growing up…

When it comes to romantic relationships, I rarely blog about them because I don’t consider myself an expert. But as I grow up and watch and learn from those around me, I would like to believe I have learnt a lot in my 25 years on this earth.

Relationships can be complex. Having two people brought up in different homes with different cultural backgrounds coming together and trying to live in the same environment can lead to some interesting events. That being said, the reason I write today’s post is because I have learnt something about myself and about relationships. And because a lot of my friends (guys and gals) are getting married or planning to get married and I worry about their expectations.

I am a big cynic when it comes to marriage. I have seen too many divorces, too many cases of abuse, too much sadness with some relationships for me to want to jump with joy at the prospect of being married. In spite of this, I believe others do find their happily ever after. And I think one’s mindset has a lot to do with it. I believe in love. But I want the old school love. The love that is pure and unconditional. The selfless 1 Corinthians type of love. A love built on respect and trust. I know this love exists within me so I know that once I find this kind of love, it will be easy for me give it back.

When a couple decides they are ready to settle down and tie the knot, I think a lot of growing up has to be done by both parties. I cannot speak on behalf of men because I am not a man. So I will speak for women. I will speak of the type of wife I aspire to be. The type of wife I pray that my brothers, cousins and friends will find. For she is worth far more than rubies. I think to get married, a woman has to be in the right mindset. Marriage is not child’s play. It is not a game nor is it a toy, it is a union to be taken seriously. That being said as a woman, I have to accept that I must be submissive in order to get married.

Before all the independent women draw and load their guns, let me clarify. The Bible says, wives, submit to your husbands and husbands in turn must love their wives. I’m hard headed and strong-willed. But I realise for any relationship to work, especially marriage, there cannot be 2 bulls in the pen. I cannot always get my way. There has to be a level of respect, understanding and listening to. I understand submission as an attitude of love, respect and gentleness in the way you speak and act toward your husband.

Submission means sometimes he is going to make decisions without consulting me first but instead of checking to which level my vocal chords can reach, I submit and we discuss like grown ups. Why? Because I am a woman, and my role is to submit. I often wonder how our mothers and grandmothers got their men to do their bidding. And I realise, it has a lot to do with submission. They found non confrontational way to voice their opinions and got their way. They listened to their men and in turn their men listened back. You cannot change a person. But to be ready for marriage, you have to be willing to die to self every single day and fall in love with your partner anew every single day. To die to self, to be selfless and place your partner first. The nice thing about true love is that you will not feel used or as if you are the only one giving into this relationship but you will be equally yoked with your partner. It will be a mutually satisfactory relationship.

A relationship must be based on compromise and sometimes as a woman I have to be willing to let things go for the good of the relationship. So try it ladies, the next time your fiancé does something and you’re about to blow a gasket, submit. See how it ends for you. And if you find you cannot submit, then maybe you are not ready for marriage…

on my sugar…

There is that man in every woman’s life. The one that teaches her to love. He loves her so much, so passionately, 1 Corinthians 13 makes so much sense.  He wakes up every day and all he can think about is how to make her happy. His intentions are pure. You can feel the love. There are no games, no strategies, just a man who simply loves a woman. And that love is so perfect in its innocence. To him, you are the world and everything else doesn’t matter. He will do everything in his power to make you happy. Because at the end of the day, your happiness is all that really ever counts! He is that guy who is always looking out for you and even after you tell him, you guys can’t date, he stays in your life because he loves you. He hates having to drop you off at home in the evenings after hours and hours of chatting about everything and nothing. He makes you feel special! In a gathering he makes you feel like all the other women in the room don’t exist!

Every woman has one of those.

Most of us didn’t feel the same way about the guy so we had to turn him away but I believe these guys are in our lives for a reason. They teach us to love. They teach us how good love is supposed to feel. They teach us that love is selfless and seeks no fault. Love, true love is uncomplicated. It has no baggage. Only the present and the future.

Every woman has one of these guys in her life. I have one of these guys in my life. And I just want to appreciate him and say thank you. Thank you for teaching me that there is hope, that a man can truly love a woman. Thank you for showing me how to love!

And to the men that we do eventually marry, thank these men because they taught us how to love you the way you need to be loved!

On the Star Bwoy effect…

Guy: Hey, I’m leaving town today.

Girl: What? Why?

Guy: I got a job in xxx.

Girl: Really? Is it permanent?

Guy: No, it’s a 6 month contract

Girl: So you”ll be back in December…

Guy: Yeah, unless they renew the contract…

Girl: So, are we like taking a break?

Guy: yeah, something like that.

Girl: Will you come back and visit?

Guy: Of course dear. You know I love you, right!

Girl: *whispers* yeah, I love you too.

Guy: Just hold on. You deserve better than me

Girl:  I don’t want ‘better’! I want you! I love you! I don’t want anybody else!

Guy: I wish things could remain as they are but for your sake, our sake, our future, you need to move on. I will always love you!

Girl: *breaks into tears*I’m going to miss you

Cue sad love song here (pick between one, two, three, four songs)

Guy: Me too.* walks away*

End scene

A good friend of mine moved to another town. He told me about the move after he had already left town. It felt like we were going through breaking up. And because we all know I have a very vivid imagination and he indulges me, I wrote out a little scene for how it all went down. Ok, so i embellished on some of the finer points but that’s what it felt like. We’ve been friends for over a decade. Whenever I need a pick me up, I know I can count on him. If I want to go out and have fun, all I have to do is pick up the phone.  The friendship will always be there but it was nice to know that he was in the same town. Now I have to wait 3 hours and 190 kilometres.

 

Overflowing with positivity!

Still trying to figure out who originally wrote this but it was posted here a few days ago…http://www.sha.co.zw/3033-simba-chavunduka/profile

If you never give up and keep focusing on your goal, you will eventually succeed; the only thing that can stop you is yourself, your lack of willpower to get going”

 

If u are single and keep on saying “i don’t trust men or women, remember… Ur mates are getting married every Saturday. Let me ask u, are they marrying spirits? Wise up!

If u are married and keep saying “i hate this marriage” ok! Is it not married people like u that are celebrating gold, silver and even platinum jubilee?If u keep on ranting, ”i’m leaving my man, he cheated on me” ply, go to town and see all the fine, cute, sexy, hot, hungry and desperate chicks waiting to snatch jr man’s money and property, they don’t even mind sharing. Make it work, my friend!

 

Stop saying “i hate my job” look! 20million people are jobless and can’t even find any not to talk of keeping it! Do u wanna join them?

You keep saying “i hate where i live” oh plz! *tears* try visiting those locations that are flooding now, people leaving in tin/zink shacks in winter or people leaving/sleeping under the bridge at night and u will be grateful to god that u even have a place to stay!

Some say “i am tired of this life” well, go to the hospital and see people fighting for their lives! Go to the mortuary and take a look then tell me what u feel after that!!

My point is, be positive and believe in god, that’s all that matters. As far as there is life, there is hope. Just keep trying and trusting in god, everything will be alright my dear friends. Plz do enjoy ur day and think positively!

Cars and boys

“I’m late for work again. I wish a kind soul would just stop and give me a lift, come on God, one small break for your daughter,” Mary grumbled as she walked towards her office building.

Mary had been late to work for almost a week now. Although her boss had not said anything yet she knew the tornado winds were gathering momentum for her appraisal which was due very soon. Mary was the personal assistant to the manager of a big mine in her hometown. Although office doors only officially opened for business at 8am, Mary liked to be in the office by 7a.m. This gave her a chance to settle in before her boss walked in at 0740. She would check her emails, arrange his favourite newspapers and get his itinerary ready for the day all before he walked in. Once he arrived she served him his coffee, 2 sugars and lots of milk. Finally at 8 am sharp, she opened the doors to his office. But lately she had been rushing into the office moments before the doors opened.

“Toot, toot!” a hooter jolted Mary back to her current tardiness.

“Need a lift?” a man poked his head out of a car window and asked. The first thing Mary noticed was how well groomed he was.

“Thank you so much, I’m late for work. I even asked God for miracle!” Mary nervously responded. As Mary stepped into the car, she was immediately caught off guard by his musky manly scent. Nothing like a man who smells nice to start off the day Mary thought as a smirk flitted across her lips.

“I’m Nelson.”

“Nice to meet you Nelson, I’m Mary.”

“So Mary, where do you work?”

Mary began to narrate the story of what her job entailed and what kind of a man her boss was. Soon, Nelson had reached Mary’s office building and dropped her off. The rest of the morning was a blur for Mary as her boss had numerous meetings and a to-do list that was so long that by lunch time she had forgotten all about Nelson.

The next morning, Mary was late again and Nelson was her knight in shining armor once again. Nelson continued to drop Mary off at work for a few more days and eventually Mary and Nelson swapped numbers. They began to spend more time together, having lunch together every day, sometimes meeting up for dinner and eventually started going away for weekends. Nelson was a big fan of nature so they frequented game reserves regularly.

One morning, as Nelson dropped Mary off at the usual spot, one of the security guards was watching them intently. As she walked into the building, Mary extended a good morning to the guard. He responded with “Oh, you stay near Pastor Nyika?”

“Excuse me?” Mary’s heart began to pound frantically.

“Isn’t that Pastor Nelson Nyika?” the guard asked again.

“Yes, it him, we stay around the same areas.” responded Mary curtly before she stepped into the comfort of her office. As soon as she lit her machine, Mary did a frenzied search on Google and discovered all there was to know. Nelson was a pastor at one of the Pentecostal churches around town and he sat on many boards. He was married with 3 children.

Mary was in shock. Her body numbed up as she recalled all the glorious stolen moments that she had shared with Nelson. Then the anger invaded her body like a lethal injection. She could feel it flow through her veins and she began to shake. How dare he make her look like a fool! And play with her heart. How dare he allow her to dream about a future, their future together! How dare he give her false hope, false promises! Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and Mary was adamant to get revenge. She lifted up her phone and called Nelson.

“Hie sweety, I miss you already. How about I call in sick tomorrow and we spend the whole day together? Are you still going out of town?”

“Well, this is a pleasant surprise. Sure baby, we can leave together and you can fly back into town in the evening.”

“Great. I can’t wait. Mcwah. Bye.”

And with that Mary had put her plan into motion. Nelson was a well respected man in the community. A community she had grown up in and knew very well. A community she knew would easily forgive Nelson but label her home wrecker for the rest of her life. And she was not going to have any of that.

Nelson picked her up early the next morning and they were on their way. Three and a half hours and 2 pit stops later, Mary and Nelson arrived in Naroh. It was a coastal town which always boasted great weather.  They went straight to the hotel to freshen up. As Nelson showered, Mary took this as an opportunity to go through his phone. She went through his smses and checked his call records. There was one number that noticeably frequented both log records. It was just a number with no name but somehow Mary knew she had hit the jackpot. She quickly copied the number and carried on as if nothing was wrong. They spent the rest of the day shopping, walking around the beach and had lunch by the sea side. When it was time for Mary to return, Nelson drove her to the airport. She pretended to be heartbroken to leave him and returned to her hometown.

Once she had returned home, she called one of her friends who worked at a telecommunications company.

“Hey David, I need a big favour. I’ve been receiving weird calls from this number and I wanted to know if you could find out who it belonged to… Yes, I know you’re not allowed but that’s why I’m calling in favour… Yes, I know… Yes I’ll owe you big time… Thanx hun, I won’t forget this…

The next morning, Mary got an sms from David with the name and address of the owner of the number. She decided to check it out.

“Bye daddy,” a little girl yelled from the doorway. Mary knew she had just found Nelson’s family. She walked away from the house her plan brewing in her head.

She carried on for another 2 weeks as if there was nothing wrong. She was still the sweet girl Nelson had met.

One evening, Mary invited Nelson over to her place for dinner. She outdid herself in the kitchen and Nelson was extremely impressed. After their meal, as they sat sipping coffee, Mary dropped the bomb.

“Nelson, I know you’re married.”

Nelson’s face dropped and turned an ashy grey. He was silent.

“I also know you’re a Pastor at Firstly Pentecostal Church.” Nelson continued to sit there staring into the darkness that was Mary’s living room.

“But I’m not going to report you to your wife, or to your church. A man of your stature who sits on so many boards cannot afford to have a scandal like this. All I want is this…” And Mary began to detail what exactly she wanted from Nelson. “And if you think I’m bluffing…” She took out photos of her and Nelson’s wife having coffee and more pictures of her and some of Nelson’s church elders.

Mary was never late for work again. Well at least not because of transport issues. The car that Nelson had bought for her ensured that.

the end.